I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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