A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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