i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
