hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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