Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
