All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
