Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize