And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
