so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize