I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
