Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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