You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
