how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
