Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
