please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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