I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This house was built for laser tag.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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