Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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