Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
honey bunches of taint.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
