The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think people are normalizing furries
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