I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
