Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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