Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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