I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
