Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
