she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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