Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
