You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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