he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
