I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
