...so i touched it.
love makes seman taste better
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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