my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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