You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who died my cat blue again?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize