i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's like iHOP with fire
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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