I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
