I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
