My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
