nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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