I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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