Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
