maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
