Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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