I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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