Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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