Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
