I wish I could teleport
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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