Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
