Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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