Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
