By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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