i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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