I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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