i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize