who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
