um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
