piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
