Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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