so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
