I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
