You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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