I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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