so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
