Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
