and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
