Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
