what day is it and did you see me today?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
