but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
