just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
