Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
