yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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