I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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