If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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