god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
