I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
