i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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