He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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