i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
