Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
