Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
