She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
