so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
