glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
