Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
