he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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